Posted by SA on November 11, 2001 at 13:35:13:
In Reply to: greek mother-in-law/mother problems posted by pp on October 24, 2001 at 10:45:40:
You have to live your own life - your mother's problems are her problems and that's where they should stay. Greek parents are traditional and often very close minded. This is not a judgement, but in my experience I have found it to be quite true. They do want the best for their children and think they know what that is. No one knows what is best for you except yourself. Be strong. Live your life. If you love your wife, be with her and make sure she knows you are with her on this. Your mother is using the usual guilt trip. If you internalize her guilt, then this is when it gets difficult. Don't let her put that on you or your wife. Guilt should stay with your mother, and you make sure you tell her this - in a respectful manner. If she refuses to listen, then that is her issue to deal with. Not yours. You must be strong, loving and understanding. But you must live your life. Imagine if you leave your wife - how will that help you? Knowing you are manipulated by your parents? For what? My parents say "Antropos na einai" - let him/her be a good person - first and foremost that is what we all want in our lives - to love and be loved by a good soul. If you have that, do not give it up. Handle your mother in a gentle way, but be firm. No arguing. No yelling (as the Greek's like to do). Just calmly lay down the rules. I've seen this before, not just with Greek families, but with other families of tradition. The likelihood is that your mother will come around (mine have). And, you would be surprised how they come around when children come into the picture. You will hurt her, but this is the only way in the long term. You must act like the man your wife married - you are no longer a boy. Your family is important to you, no doubt. But you are more important to yourself. You have to look out for you, and the rest will fall into place. You must be true to yourself.