Been there done that!

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Posted by zafiris on June 01, 2001 at 08:18:48:

In Reply to: Maybe a silly question?!?!? posted by Stayla on May 31, 2001 at 03:37:12:

Dear Stayla,

Been there done that. In my situation the "stupid misunderstanding" was "the last straw that broke the camel's back". Misunderstandings do not necessarily challenge relationships, they usually forge them. Quite often misunderstandings are planned or a result of a provocation by the one who wants to move out of the relationship. May be it is time to move on with your lives. May be during the last portion of the 2 years of the "wonderful relationship" he tried to give you some messages about the relationship and you ignored them or they were lost in the cross cultural communication. May be the idea of settling permanent with a non Greek hit deep in his existential domain and arouse fears, substantiated or not.
Many people, not necessarily just Greeks, see relationships as an ornament made of crystal. Once cracks become cleaves and the crystal breaks, it can not be repaired. May be this happened to you. (A psychologist friend of mine told me that this is a bad model or analogy and should not be applied.)
Since you are desperate I recommend to try to contact him directly or much better through a mutual friend (you should have at least one after 2 years together), communicate honestly how you feel and have him also honestly explain why the "stupid misunderstanding" made him to leave you. Then, try to think back of the moment and the days just before the incident. If you both are HONEST, it will identify where the real problem is. When he talks about how he felt about the "stupid misunderstanding" or your relationship, please LISTEN.
Relationships flourish when people grow in them. Unfortunately many of us Greeks do not see potential of growth outside our culture, and if we see it and go for it, family or friends try to hold us back. Then again, relationships for guys bring out the fear for the female - this is universal. It is just that Greek women are better equipped to soothe these fears, the same way a Scandinavian woman can soothe the deep fears of a Scandinavian.
I could go for ever. Wish I could apply this advice to myself. Thank my insomnia tonight for this lengthy letter.

Good luck,
Zafiris

Been there done that - then turned into painting

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: Dear Stayla, : Been there done that. In my situation the "stupid misunderstanding" was "the last straw that broke the camel's back". Misunderstandings do not necessarily challenge relationships, they usually forge them. Quite often misunderstandings are planned or a result of a provocation by the one who wants to move out of the relationship. May be it is time to move on with your lives. May be during the last portion of the 2 years of the "wonderful relationship" he tried to give you some messages about the relationship and you ignored them or they were lost in the cross cultural communication. May be the idea of settling permanent with a non Greek hit deep in his existential domain and arouse fears, substantiated or not. : Many people, not necessarily just Greeks, see relationships as an ornament made of crystal. Once cracks become cleaves and the crystal breaks, it can not be repaired. May be this happened to you. (A psychologist friend of mine told me that this is a bad model or analogy and should not be applied.) : Since you are desperate I recommend to try to contact him directly or much better through a mutual friend (you should have at least one after 2 years together), communicate honestly how you feel and have him also honestly explain why the "stupid misunderstanding" made him to leave you. Then, try to think back of the moment and the days just before the incident. If you both are HONEST, it will identify where the real problem is. When he talks about how he felt about the "stupid misunderstanding" or your relationship, please LISTEN. : Relationships flourish when people grow in them. Unfortunately many of us Greeks do not see potential of growth outside our culture, and if we see it and go for it, family or friends try to hold us back. Then again, relationships for guys bring out the fear for the female - this is universal. It is just that Greek women are better equipped to soothe these fears, the same way a Scandinavian woman can soothe the deep fears of a Scandinavian. : I could go for ever. Wish I could apply this advice to myself. Thank my insomnia tonight for this lengthy letter. : Good luck, : Zafiris

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